Adventures in Shinobi Babysitting
by TjRythum
Summary: what happens when a trained assassins have to babysit the beings affectionately dubbed 'demon spawn? lets find out! no pairings really, no point either, just pure fun and sillyness. First Chapter: Cheerios.


**Hello darlings! **

**Ok, so this is an idea I came up with a while ago while I was remembering the horrors that was babysitting The Twins (a pair of 8 year old red heads bent on my untimely doom) it got me thinking about Naruto and eventually – shinobi children.**

**My first instinct was 'OH MY FREAKING WORD NNNNOOO' which somehow morphed into me writing this. I **_**plan**_** on this becoming a one shot series starring various numbers of our favorite shinobi and their smaller versions we affectionately call demon spawn.**

**What happens when you mix five year olds with super strength, sharp objects, the ability to climb up walls and set things on fire with no lighter then hand them to trained assassin babysitters?**

**This people, is the question Masashi Kishimoto never thought about. **

**Cheerios**

"Freaking bitch of a ferret faced-"

Kurenai cut off mid string on curse when she rounded the corner of the alley and was once again in hearing range of other people.

She was going to _murder _Anko, not maul, not mildly hurt. _Murder - _as soon as she found the time of course.

It had been almost four years now since Asuma's death and Kurenai was actually very pleased with how well she had coped – not only with losing the love of her life but with raising their child as well. Of course she'd had so much help over the years, goodness knows what she would have done without Shika and his friends, as well as her girlfriends, who had always been there to drag her from grief whenever she started to dig herself in a little too deep.

And then of course there'd been Shika's parents for when the baby had arrived. Kurenai knew the first few months of switching from being an active fighter and military woman to mother would have been much harder without the teens own mother – a wonderful woman who'd had to make the change herself years ago.

Now little Asumi was almost three, toddling around their small apartment and causing trouble like only a shinobi child could.

Kurenai smiled at that – Asumi was such a beautiful child. She had her father's dark eyes and stubborn nature with her mother curly hair and furious curiosity. She would become a great kounichi one day.

But thinking of Kounichi; Kurenai's smile vanished when she remember just _why_ she was currently running full tilt over the tiled roofs of Konoha.

Fucking Anko.

The purple haired fend had shown up at her door over an half hour ago, ranting about a disaster and something about the world ending and someone becoming a missing nin and she had to come to the Trapwire right then.

Seriously concerned, Kurenai had quickly asked the grandmother next door to watch Asumi before hurrying after her fellow Kounichi.

Upon entering the bar however and rushing over to the booth that held five or six other Kounichi – all of whom were huddled around a now extremely pitiful looking Anko – she had discovered to her great annoyance (not surprise, Kurenai stopped being surprised by Anko's behavure years ago) that the snake summoner was once again being a drama queen and an attention whore.

There was no disaster, no threat to the village, and neither Kakashi or Ibiki had become missing nins. Just one dumped Anko who was extremely pissed at her now ex-boyfriend and was gathering her troops to being about his painful demise.

On a normal day? Kurenai wouldn't have minded, in fact she probably would have enjoyed giving the guy a little pain Anko style (cause if it was Anko's problem, you knew Iruka was involved somehow and his ideas were always entertaining to be on the viewing side of)

But Kurenai hadn't had a normal day in over three years.

Now thanks to Anko her lovey afternoon with Asumi had been interrupted and Shani-san from next door had been inconvenienced. Still growling to herself Kurenai made the final leap, landing gracefully on the roof of her apartment building before heading for the stairs leading to the 7th floor.

Sliding down the staircase railing Kurenai emerged – windblown, panting, with a slight flush of annoyance still dusting her cheeks – and froze mid step down the hall in horror.

"Shani-baachan!"

The name ripped from her throat as she sprinted down the hall toward the elder woman who lay crumpled on the floor by Kurenai's apartment door. Reaching out she eased the older woman into her arms, relieved beyond words when the hazel eyes fluttered open and a soft groan came from the lax form.

"Shani-baachan? Are you ok? What happened?"

The wrinkled face turned her direction, it a moment but finally the light brown eyes cleared as the focus in on her.

"Kurenai-chan…." The elderly lady stared listlessly for a while then snapped upright as memory seemed to rush back "Asumi! Ah! Kurenai-chan I'm sorry!"

Panic and fear – simultaneous spears of blinding mental pain flashed through her body even as she moved to open her door, the terror mounting as a hundred horrible thoughts crowed her mind. What had happened? She couldn't lose Asumi, not her too. There would be nothing left to live for then-

Searing pain, of the physical verity this time, shot through her like a rush of fire. Grunting in pain Kurenai released the doorknob and stepped back, turning once again to look at the wide eyed Shani, who was still sitting on the floor.

"I was trying to tell you Kurenai-chan. Asumi's fine but she locked me out"

Kurenai's world froze "What?"

The elder sighed and rubbed at her arm like she trying to dispel some lingering ache "I'd been there round fifteen minutes, Asumi had fallen asleep when my timer for the pie I had cooking went off. I only had to pull it out of the oven so I thought I could just leave for the moment and do it. But when I came back the door was locked and I could hear Asumi giggling behind it. I tried to get her to open it but then when I went to force it open something hit me and I blacked out"

The pieces fell into place and the strange red eyes slid shut.

"The security system"

"Pardon?" Shani had picked herself up off the floor and was watching Kurenai curiously. The elder woman was a retired ninja so Kurenai wasn't worried about her now that she was back on her feet. The lash of chakra would have startled the elder, but she's survived much worse.

"Asumi turned on the trap system. Since she's inside and its keyed to her chakra it won't hurt her, but it will make getting in harder. Asumi?" raising her voice Kurenai hoped the child could hear her "Asumi sweetie, could you let mommy in?"

Silence hung heavy as Kurenai stood, hands twisting nervously as she itched to grab the doorknob again when a soft giggle came from behind the wood.

Well, that answered that.

"Asumi, this is not a joke, now open the door for mommy"

Another giggle was the only response; it was followed by the unmistakeable sound of footsteps as Asumi obviously ran away from the door.

"Asumi? Asumi! Get back here Asumi!"

Kurenai's voice was steadily gaining volume. She had to get Asumi to open the door, if she broke it down the traps would back fire and not only hurt her but there was a chance Asumi would run over and get caught in it too – she thought it was a game after all.

The door to her right swung open, revealing the tall, muscled young man that was her ANBU neighbor. Joni stared at the two mildly singed women in the hall with sleepy eyes. Normally Kurenai would feel bad as she'd obviously woken the poor man up – but she would worry about that after she was back in her house.

"Kurenai-san? Is everything alright?"

Frustrated Kurenai drug a rough hand through the black curls.

"Ah, Joni, sorry for waking you but Asumi just locked me out and she won't open the door"

That woke the ANBU up some, he was fond of Asumi and would come over and play with the child on a quiet afternoon. Stepping out from his apartment Joni approached Kurenai's door. Giving it a soft tap before dropping down on his stomach so he could speak into the small crack at the bottom.

"Asi-chan"

Kurenai's hopes rose when the heard Asumi return to the front of the hall in response to Joni's call.

"Hey Asi-cahn, you let Joni-nii in so he can play?"

Asumi giggled again and for a moment Kurenai truly believed she was going to open the door – but the sound of small feet retreating was once again heard and a groan came from all three ninja.

Sighing Joni heaved himself off the floor, rubbing his arm as he thought "Hey Kurenai-san, your balcony doors are glass right?"

She nodded "Yes, but breaking it would have the same affect"

"Ya, but we'd be able to see her at least"

The red eyes widened. Why hadn't she thought if that? She turned with every intent to run back up the stairs so she could climb down from the roof when Joni's strong hand closed around her arm.

"Or, you could go through my place"

She could have hugged him, but as that a chance of setting off some sort of post mission reaction she simply nodded and hurried after him, Shani close on their heels.

Joni's small apartment was dark and his gear was still strune over the floor, clearly showing he'd undressed on his way to the bedroom. There were no stains however and Kurenai couldn't smell blood or bleach anywhere, so she didn't have to worry.

Drawing the binds away from the glass Joni quickly unlocked the porch door and slid it open before slipping through and jumping the gap between decks.

Through the clear glass they could see Asumi, sitting cross legged on the living room floor, a huge pleased grin on her face as she munched happily on a handful of honey nut cheerios, the cereal box lying open next to her.

"Well, least she went for the healthier option"

Kurenai sent Joni a glare for his sad attempt at a joke before she returned to the glass, moving to tap at it gently until Asumi paused and looked up. At the sight of mommy, nii-san and gran all crowded on the deck the three year old broke into happy peals of laughter. She waved enthusiastically at the three with a cheerio coated fist before sticking it back in the cereal box, completely ignoring the shinobi yelling through the glass.

….

"ASUMI! ASUMI – YOU OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW! ASUMI!"

Kurenai's voice gave out and finally she stopped yelling, resting her forehead on the smooth glass, fighting back the sob that threatened to escape. She heard Joni's voice crack just before he too gave up, sliding down the glass till he could sit beside her and stare hopelessly at the late afternoon sky.

They'd been yelling for half an hour, being so loud that two more neighbors plus three passersby had heard the noise and come to investigate. All of them had, in various ways, tried in vain to the get the three year old to unlock the door.

Yells, coaxing, commands, simpering, bribes and a few threats (those 'helpers' had been quickly tossed from the deck by a distraught Kruenai) had all been tried, but nothing had worked, Asumi now lay sprawled on the living room floor, paper and crayons scattered around her, the box of cheerios half finished next to her.

Kurenai knew she'd have to come up with a better punishment then bed with no supper.

"Kurenai-sensei? What's going on?"

Sighing Kurenai looked up, not really seeing the new comer in the glare of the sun, as she answered on auto pilot.

"Asumi locked me out and we can't break in cause that could hurt her"

She waited for the laughter, the snorting, the demeaning comment about shinobi or single parents. Really what kind of mother had this happen?

So she was shocked when all came was an understanding "ah" and she looked up again, this time fully taking in the features of the other person.

"I-Iruka-sensei?"

The young teacher smiled as he peered through the glass at the happily colouring Asumi

"I hope this doesn't sound awful but I'm kinda relieved to know this has happened to other people"

Kurenai looked over startled "This happened to you?" Iruka had kids? She'd never known tha-

"Ya, there's about five of six shinobi kids I look after when their single parent go on missions. One time I got a call from Tsuande-sama and I stupidly grabbed Tetsu to look after them till I got back. The moron got himself locked in the closet" the sensei chuckled "Never trust six year olds, especially when their father works at T&I"

Kurenai felt something in her chest relax. So she wasn't a failure as a parent "So how'd you get back in?"

Iruka starched at the back of his neck sheepishly, she found the gesture adorable and strangely alluring.

"Actually I had to wait till the offender got to bossy and the other kids let a revolt against him"

Iruka went back to the glass, a thoughtful look on the scarred face "Obviously that won't work here, but I think this might"

Kneeling down Iruka tapped lightly on the glass "Asumi-chan"

Something in the young man's voice compelled the little girl to look up, a question look in her eyes.

"May I have some cheerios?"

Quick as a blink Asumi was on her feet, fist clutched around the handful of cereal she'd been munching on as she moved to the door, flicked the lock and pushed the glass pane open; presenting Iruka with the handful of sticky, wet half eaten wheat circles proudly.

Iruka smiled and took the disgusting soggy snack without so much as a twitch. "Thank you Asumi-chan"

Kurenai watched in amazement as Asumi gave the young man one of the biggest grins she'd ever seen before running over to her and wrapping her arms around her leg with an enthusiastic "Mommy!"

Iruka smiled at the scene before returning his attention back to the red eyed Kounichi and repeating the rather adorable action from before with his free hand.

"Well, problem solved?"

Kurenai grinned and nodded "Definitely, Thank you much…wou-would you like to stay for dinner?"

She didn't know what had prompted her to ask, she hadn't asked a man out to dinner since Asuma had died but – with Iruka - it just seemed _right_. Though the moment the words slipped from her mouth she felt a well of fear surge up inside of her – but she didn't know if it was because she was afraid he'd say yes or no.

Iruka simply smiled, unaware of the Jounin mothers inner turmoil "Normally, I would love to, but one of Anko's summons ambushed me a few minutes ago, hissing about the end of the world and missing nins – which mean Toro dumped her first and she wants me to be her evil minion of doom"

How the younger man had managed to say that with a straight face Kurneai couldn't guess, but it did make it even funnier; laughing she returned the smile "Oh, well I understand that. Maybe a rain check then"

She mentally slapped herself. What was she doing? She couldn't ask _Iruka _of all people out! It was too soon, and she had a kid, she couldn't do that to him! Also he was at least 5 years younger than her, and had a great sense of humor, was great with kids and was really, really cute-

Wait, what had point had she been making again?

The attractive brown eyes narrowed at her words as Iruka gave her a calculating look before a soft smile lit the scarred face "Ya, I'd like that"

Something warm bubbled up in her chest, something that also dusted her cheeks with the unmistakable heat of a blush.

"Y-you free Friday?"

Kurenai mentally cursed for stuttering, though the bright smile Iruka gave her made it, sorta, ok.

"Sure, my place? I can cook and you could bring Asumi – or-"

The red eyes widened as a huge grin spread over her face – it was the first time a guy who wasn't an Akimichi had offered to cook for her.

"That's sounds wonderful Iruka-sen- Iruka"

Nodding Iruka flashed her a smile that had her feeling weak in the knees "Great, see you Friday"

With that the Chuunin jumped to the across the way, waving once more before sprinting away over the tilted roof – heading in the direction of Anko's place.

It wasn't until he was out of sight Kurenai realized he'd kept hold of Asumi's cheerios the whole time they'd been talking

Still grinning like a school girl and feeling no different Kurenai headed back inside, limp little Asumi slumbering against her shoulder as she moved through her house and set the girl down in her little bed before she collapsed to the floor beside it.

She didn't know what was going to happen with this but – but for the first time in a long time Kurenai couldn't help but feel excited about what the future might hold for her, not just her child.

...

**Haha, ok, so not my best work I know, I'm a little rusty at writing from the view point of females who aren't bat crap crazy (i.e. Anko) also – for the people who don't know me – I'm a Yaoi writer, so throwing in the Het 'romance' was – difficult…**

**Though I like my Ruka with guys more the only females I could stand him being with are – obviously – Kurenai and – oddly enough – Tsume or Hana (though that probably stems off my obsession with the Iunzuka XD) **

**This story is actually sort of true; a friend of mine was locked out of his car by his two year old and a similar story unfolded. I wrote it to fit and threw in Iruka cause I love him and he fit the part.**

**Well that's it for now; I might at some point be adding more. As I planned on this being a series of one shots about our lovey Shinobi as they try to raise the horrific beings that are Ninja children.**

**Hope you liked! R&R!  
**


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